Bang bang wash wash
by ISnortSugar
Summary: Vancha, Adia, a missing hair straightener and a bar of soap. Of all the thrills! R&R Disclaimer: I ONLY own Adia, every other character and place is property of Darren Shan and the Cirque du Freak stories.


"VANCHA!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. That Prince was in for it! Totally, undeniably, unequivocally in for it!

I stormed out of my room with only a towel on and headed directly for the Hall of Princes. There was a fair chance the Prince on my mind -and voice- wasn't going to be there, but it was as good a place as any to start. I marched past shocked vampires and pushed the ones out my way that didn't move quick enough. After the mission Tiny had sent us on and I'd been blooded, Vancha had been doing everything in his power to annoy me. I could take a lot, but the last straw had just been broken. No-one took that from me and got away with it!

I got to the tunnel that led to the hall of Princes and was stopped by the guards. I was too angry to stop.

"Do I look like I have anywhere to _hide_ any weapons? Or do you want to take my towel as well?" I only just managed to hold myself back from yelling. The guards blushed and let me through. The same order went on with the next two check points and again the guards let me pass through, blushing guiltily to themselves.

At the end of the hall, two guards stood next to the doors, both holding spears and looking at me oddly.

"How can we help you?" The one on the left said. My gaze shot to him and I looked him up and down.

"I want to see the Princes." I snapped harshly.

"If you'd like to wait you can go in when it is next possible." The guard on the right said, clutching his spear like a lifeline. My eyes turned to him and I furrowed my brows.

"Do I _look_ like I can wait?" I said, pointing my hand flatly at the towel around my body - which I should mention _just _managed covered anything indecent.

The guard averted his eyes and look to his partner for help, blushing deeply.

"May we ask what happened?" The left guard asked. I looked back to him.

"Let me just say that when I'm finished with Vancha March he'll be screaming to be put in the Hall of Death."

"Why?" Lefty prodded. I glowered at him and made them bend closer then whispered why I was so angry.

The guards looked to each other. The guard on the right dropped his spear and took off down the hall screaming, his arms flailing in the air. His buddy was right behind him. I paused for a moment to look at them oddly.

I stood near the door for only a few seconds before it opened and a few Generals started out. They stopped when I walked straight in and past them. Every head turned to look at me and Darren and Mika were confused. I marched up to them and asked: "Do either of you know where Vancha is? It's rather important."

Mika stuttered to speak but couldn't end up saying anything. Darren spoke for him.

"Ummm … Ye- yeah. He's in the Hall of O-Osca Velm. Is everything alright?"

I turned around as soon as I heard where we was and turned back when Darren asked the question. I bowed to them, careful not to bow too low. "It will be. Deepest apologies for interrupting your Council." The two Princes nodded and I turned back to the doors, stalking out as Mika opened them from his throne.

Now I had a destination, no-one was stopping me from getting there. I passed one of the guards from before cowering in a corner and heard him whimper as I walked past. A short time later I passed his friend in the hall of Khledon Lurt, being counseled by Seba, the guard was muttering hysterically and breaking down into tears every now and then. I bypassed this without a second thought and marched purposefully towards my destination.

When I got there, the few vampires in there turned to look at me strangely and I listened intently. I knew I'd hear it. He always did this. Except he'd never tried to hide in this hall before.

"Has anyone seen Vancha?" I questioned.

A new vampire, sitting with his blooder, pointed to a table on the far side of the room. His mentor growled at him and the guy looked down at his bowl while the former chastised him. I smiled briefly and stormed over to the table, standing there for a moment. The guy was right, that was Vancha's breathing alright. Though I was surprised I'd missed his smell.

"Vancha." I said softly. No reply. I said his name again, this time slightly sterner, like I was about to tell off a three year old.

"Yeah?" His voice _sounded childish._

"_Get out here now." I growled, my soft voice gone._

"_But you'll eat me." He said._

"_I will not eat you if you come out right now." I promised._

_I heard Vancha turning around and shuffling to the end of the table and then looked at the end where his dyed green hair popped up a few seconds later. "You promise?" He asked, his eyes full of childish glee, like a kid who'd just taken a cookie and gotten away with it._

"_Promise." Oh no, my punishment for him was much worse than eating him. He crawled the rest of the way out and stood up, brushing his purple furs free of dust. I took this as my chance and jumped on the table, lunging at his head._

_The older vampires in the hall saw this and stood up, unsure of whether I was a threat or just playing. Vancha let out the highest, girliest squeal I'd ever heard a man use before and tried to duck, but it was futile and I pinned him to the ground. Vancha started laughing hysterically and I could feel his chest falling and rising heavily as he tried to suck in breaths. "WHERE IS MY HAIR STRAIGHTENER?!" I yelled, filling the whole mountain with my reverberating voice. The vampires knew they were out of their depth on this one and cautiously sat back down as Vancha continued to laugh. Time to get nasty._

"_TELL ME WHERE IT IS OR I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE HALL OF PERTA VIN GRAHL!"_

_Vancha's face turned almost instantly to horror and he gasped, but his fit of laughter was still behind it and he went into sporadic fits of giggles at times. This caused his horror to look fake._

"_You… you wouldn't!" He giggled._

"_I most certainly would!" I retorted._

"_You can't do that to a Prince. I command you not to give me a bath!" He said during more fits of laughter._

"_My hair straightener for your 'cologne'." I threatened. Now his giggle fits had stopped and he genuinely looked surprised._

"_No really, I command you as your Prince not to bathe me." He said, regaining some hope._

"_You forget Prince Vancha, who my daddy is." I said, getting ready to haul him down to the ice cold waterfall of the showers._

"_He has no right to interfere." He said, loosing his hope._

"_As if that's stopped him before." I snorted._

_Vancha started giggling again. "Wash me and you'll never get your hair straight again."_

_I growled menacingly at him and hauled him to his feet, quickly maneuvering myself so I was behind him and pushing him forward by his hands. He screamed like a girl again and when we got to the doorway he braced his feet against it and tried to push back. I growled at two vampires nearby and they stood instantly and put his feet through the door. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" His voice bounced off the walls and after walking for about 10 meters I heard Darren and Mika rushing to see what the yelling of their third Prince was for. Behind them were the Generals from the Hall of Princes._

"_ADIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"_

"_Torturing… UHNF! Vancha…. keep going…. For stealing….. get your foot down!…. My hair straightener." I said, trying to keep away from doorways. Mika and Darren looked at each other and fought with trying to conceal their laughter. It didn't hold out for long because we were getting closer to the hall of Perta Vin Grahl and Vancha let out another high pitched scream that almost ruptured my ear drums. It continued right into the washing hall and Vancha's efforts to get out of my grip increased frantically. By now the Generals were also laughing and those who could crowded into the hall to watch Vancha get given a bath._

"_EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'LL TELL YOU! I GIVE UP! MEEEEEEEEEEEEERCCCCCCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" He screamed as I edged closer to the large pit of water._

"_Where?"_

"_It's…. it's…. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!" I'd moved closer again and Vancha took it as a queue to squeal._

"_IN LARTEN'S COFFIN! IN LARTEN'S COFFIN! I'M SORRY!"_

_I smirked sadistically and let a little pressure out of my hold. "That's better." Vancha let out a sigh of relief and relaxed his muscles, I took this as my queue and pushed him roughly into the pit of water. He screamed and turned around before falling into the water pit. But not before managing to grab hold of my towel and pull me in after him._

_We both screamed with the cold. My screaming was backed up with more power because I'd lost my towel, and Vancha's was backed up because his thrashing about in the water was getting him clean. Someone threw in a bar of soap and I seized it, holding it in the air like a trophy and grinning madly as I advanced on the thrashing Prince. Vancha screamed even more as he saw me and tried to get away. I chased him through the water and tackled him under, somehow managing to pull his clothes off and attack him with the soap at the same time. The Princes, Generals and other random vampires who'd managed to get a good shot of the action were rolling on the floor with laughter. Tears spilling from their eyes as they hugged their aching sides._

_Vancha managed to slip away from me for a few moments and I advanced on him, my sadistic grin had turned into a look of determined desire - I was determined to finish cleaning him! I picked up his shirt out of the water and put it on, at least it didn't stink as bad as he did. And I'd only need it for a few more…. hours maybe._

"_Get back here Vancha." I growled._

"_NO WAY! You're crazy!" He said, walking backwards in a circle around the pit with me following._

"_It'll be over more quickly if you co-operate."_

_Vancha squealed and tried to climb out. I pounced and pulled him back in after grabbing hold of his legs. He screamed again and I briefly heard Darren yell during his laughter about one of his ribs breaking. Vancha went under the water screaming came up coughing water back out. I regained my feet and saw I was behind him. Not letting my chance slip away I lunged and took him under the water by his waist, his arms flailed before he hit the water and this only served to make everyone laugh harder._

_Larten Crepsley had been walking to find out what the yelling was for and ended up stepping over bodies at least 20 meters from the showers as word made it's way down the halls to the vampires who couldn't see. Larten glowered at some of them as they sounded like hyenas trying to mate while telling their comrades about the escapades of Vancha and Adia. When Larten heard these two words he sped up to the showers, not caring if he stepped on one or two vampires._

_Reaching the showers he saw Darren turning blue and Mika sounding the most like a hyena. The vampires around him were also vary shades of color ranging from green to blue. His gaze slowly made its way to the mess of soapy water and Adia scrubbing Vancha's hair with a bar of soap. The steely eyed mentor of Darren and Adia frowned "ADIA! What are you doing?" He asked sternly, but for all the notice I was taking he might have been talking to a brick wall. It ultimately didn't matter if I had answered or not as the hilarity of the situation finally hit Larten and he too ended up in tears from laughing._


End file.
